WE ARE THE REASON HE SUFFERED & DIED, SO THAT WE MAY KNOW LIFE FREE FROM BONDAGE
While it has been quite a few weeks since I have written anything here, my mind has been a whirl. Such a busy summer of graduations and family celebrations. And all through it notes keep flashing through my mind about my story. I admit I reached a point where I really didn't want to go on. I wanted to give it up, so I asked God, "Who really cares?" His answer? "I do."
Part of my hesitation had to do with real self-examination. I have a good imagination, and I didn't want to put my "vain thoughts" into the story; I wanted it to be a pure as possible. So I went to God, again for an answer. "Do I really remember all this? And really, Lord, who cares, anyway?" His answer? "Were it not so, I would have told you. It is your unique story, and I need you to do this. I do."
To add to all this, He placed in front of me two books to read (see below). Oh, fine! (wee bit of attitude going on there). So, I tried again, "Lord, couldn't I just bypass this cup; You have so many others more worthy and capable..."
He interrupted me! "No. You must, because I love you and I need you to do this. I do."
Sigh...
Well, lucky for me I found a lot of busy work for my hands. And so the days passed into weeks, without my turning back to this ministry. This work He placed in my hands. He didn't scold or berate me, but He did remind every day. Throughout the day. All day. Even during the night when I would awaken! Pester, pester. But, oh so sweetly, softly and tenderly - He was calling me. And reminding me.
And here I am, determined I will settle back into this work He has given me.
In the interim I did read Jacee Dugard's book A Stolen Life. It is her story of kidnapping, captivity, rape and abuse for 18 years at the hands of a man she loathed, yet looked to for sustenance and companionship. What a brave person she was to set down her story so openly and explicitly. She seems to be healing nicely, given all the circumstances. This healing is only for her head and heart, as her only reference to God is that her captor insisted that she read the Bible and listen to Bible tapes. Living in terror everyday didn't allow her to connect with Jesus on a personal level, especially with her captor telling her she was his savior.
There is another book my husband and I are in the process of reading, Passage Into Darkness. It tells about a couple who were very successful with their money, and could have anything they wanted. But somehow they just didn't feel complete. So they decided to sell everything and give it all up to help the hungry, war ravaged people in Africa. How brave they were to go into the darkness. They bring the word of God in a different way; they bring it as freedom from captivity.
So here are two compelling stories, both about captivity and freedom. And, after all, that is what my story is about. I feel close to shame thinking I have any business writing my story, when you consider the plight of the people in these two books. Yet, God says it is important. And so I must keep on.
And you have been invited to bear witness through reading my story. If my story remains silent, then it is for nothing that God has me writing it. But He reminds that no words (of a righteous man), which He sends out will return void. So it is that somewhere, somehow my story (with your help) will bear witness of God's never ending love and mercies to someone who has a similar story. And they will be healed, and they will tell their story to help others.
I love you for taking this journey with me.♥ Have I told you that, before? I do. It is wonderful to have your friendship and love as I stumble and fumble. God is so good, so patient with me. And so are you. Thank you.
