"Do you feel okay about continuing where we left off?" Marlin asked, the next time I sat in his office.

"I can't remember exactly where we were."

"You had been dumped in the street and you went to the Dairy Queen, crying."

"Oh, yes. [laugh] My nightmare wasn't over."

I was so desperate for help, and so afraid the man would come back, but who could I trust. There were quite a few people outside the Dairy Queen, but I didn't know any of them, and they frightened me looking at me like I was something from another planet. My dress was dirty and torn, and my hair had bits of gravel in it. My hands and knees were scraped and bleeding. Not one person looked at me kindly; they all quickly looked the other way.  

Tears continued to stream down my face, as I made my way to the side of the building. I silently willed my mother's car to come back, but it didn't. I squatted down and put my head on my arms. I was only seven years old, in a strange, new town. I had to think.  How would I get out of this? How could I be safe. 

A vehicle pulled up in front of me. I turned towards the wall of the building and hid my face. A man's voice spoke, "Linda, is that you? Are you okay?"

I jumped up, scrambling away from him.

"Stay away from me I screamed. Don't touch me!"

"It's all right Linda, I'm Al Tanahill. Don't you remember me?" He reached his hand out to touch me.

His face was a blur, and all I knew was I would have to fight for my life. Panci drove me.  "Noooo, noooo, nooooo" I sobbed. "Leave me alone. Stay away from me."

IT'S A LONG, LONG WAY HOME...

Just then, the woman got out of the car.  "Linda, don't your remember us? I'm Mrs. Tanahill and this is my husband. You and your family were at our house last week, and you played with our kids."  She motioned towards the car. I could see three young people in there, and I did recognize them.  Miraculously I recognized her.

"Help me," I cried running to throw myself around her. "Help me, please."

"Where's your parents, honey? Are they somewhere around here?"

"No. I don't know."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

I just shook my head.

"Why don't we drive you home? Would that be okay?"

I nodded, and she helped me into the car. I sat as close to her as I could get, not wanting to touch her husband. I began to talk in whispers with Mrs. Tanahill, as she gently asked me questions. I told her a man had taken me and then brought me back and dumped me in the street. I told her my mother had been in the doctor's office, and never came back. She kept her arm around me as the sped toward our home.  About a block from our house we say my mother in the car, speeding in the opposite direction.  Mr. Tanahill honked his horn, and waved at her out the window.

"We have Linda" he yelled.

She stopped her car and came running across the street.

"Oh, thank God!" she exclaimed. "I was going crazy."  She grabbed me, giving me a hug then held me at arms length. "Just look at you! Are you all right?" 

I shook my head.

Mrs. Tanahill explained, "All I could get out of her was that a man picked her up and took her out of town, then came back and threw her in the street."

"Oh, dear Lord," my mother was stunned. "I had a quick appointment with the doctor, and it took a little longer than I anticipated, and I left her in the car. When I came out she was gone. Come on," she continued, taking my hand. "Let's get you cleaned up at bit, and decide what to do."

"Shouldn't you be going to the police?" Mrs. Tanahill inquired.

"Of course. But I want to get her something to drink, and let her use the bathroom first," my mother answered. So I climbed in the car with her and headed the block to our house.

"You had me worried sick," she admonished me. "I didn't know what to think when I came out and you weren't in the car. Why couldn't you have simply obeyed me? I was only gone a few minutes.."

"It was almost three hours," I bravely retorted. I was accusing. I was scared. I needed .. I didn't know what I needed. But it was always the same, and it looked like this would be too. Nobody around to give me whatever it was that I needed right then. I sighed.

"Don't you get smart with me. I"m sorry this happened, but just remember it would never have happened if you had minded me."

At home she took me into the bathroom to wash me up. "I want you to tell me exactly what happened," she demanded.  So I did, leaving out the parts about his kissing and touching. Something told me I had to leave that part out. 

When I was finished she took hold of my arms with her hands. "Look at me. You are never to tell anybody about any nasty things that you might let him do to you. Do you understand me.?

I just looked at her. The walls began to move in my peripheral vision, and I could feel darkness shoving at my mind. I wanted to run and hide and never come out. I held on, and nodded, numbly.

"That's good. Because if you had been a good little girl, none of this would have happened. Now let's go to the police station."

HIDE YOUR FEARS, NO TEARS

Marlin stood and brought a box of tissues to me.

"I'm not crying," I let him know.

"You should be," he said. "There are two answers, we actually three to the fact that you aren't crying. Either you have told the story so much it doesn't mean anything to you, or it never happened to you. Or, it did happen and people never believed you, or acted like they didn't."

"That would be right, probably on one and three."

"Well, I can only think that number three caused number one, and my guess is that it's just about impossible for you to cry. Am I right?"

"That's about right."

"Why do you think that is?"

I laughed, "Why bother?"

Marlin nodded. "How did the police treat you?"

"They were very nice to me. They had lots of questions, and I gave them all the details except for the kissing and touching. I gave them complete details on the man. Maybe I hoped it would erase him from my mind, but it didn't. They insisted that I be taken to a doctor and examined."

"Were you?"

"Yes. Not that day, but my mother made an appointment for later in the week, and I went then."

"What did you tell the doctors?"

"Exactly what I told the others."

"And you left out the kissing and touching."

"Yes."

"Did you cry for the police or the doctor."

"No."

"What was the outcome?"

It was worse than anybody could imagine. The police told my parents they thought I was lying and had just run off to play somewhere. And they said I needed to be taken home and whipped and put in my room for awhile. I didn't get the whipping, but I did stay in my room most of the summer.  When I went places with my parents, the adults all huddled together whispering, and talking about me. I wondered how they could think I was so stupid, and I hated being put on display like that.  But I did wonder if just one of them would hug me and tell me they were sorry. I still yearned for whatever it was I needed.  I didn't find it then, or ever, and that's why I was sitting in Marlin's office now.

TRAPPED! NO WAY OUT!

"Did you have nightmares?" Marlin inquired.

I looked up in surprise. Nobody had ever asked me that question before. "Yes. Every night for a long time, but then I don't sleep very much. My mother told me when I was older that my pillow would be wet from my tears every morning, and my eyes red rimmed."

"Were you afraid?"

"Always. I still dream and have those nightmares. But the story doesn't end there, and that's probably why the dreams have never left."

"What happened next?"

I was washing dishes at the sink, and listening to evening news on the radio. My folks always had it on, even when they weren't in the room.  It was abut 1-1/2 years later. Suddenly I began to pay attention to what I was hearing. They were describing a man who had taken a seven year old girl in another city a couple hundred miles away. There was an all out look out for him and the girl. My heart began hammering hard against my ribs, and my hands shook. Because they described the man in detail, and it was my kidnapper. He even dressed exactly the same. Then the reporter did an update, and let the world know that the little girl had been found raped, tortured and strangled. Now there was a BOL on the man and his black car!

I ran into the living room. "Mom, are you listening to the news?"

"No, I missed it, I was working my crossword."

I told her about what had just been reported. "We have to tell them," I begged, I can tell them." 

She looked at me, frowning deeply, her face turning red. "You just shut up about that. Nobody wants to hear about that from you. And you keep your mouth shut; we're not going to be part of any of it." And she slapped me.

Marlin interrupted, "So, tell me exactly what you thought and felt at that moment."

"I knew nobody believed me, and that if I was a good little girl people would be willing to believe me, and they would have listened to me. And the little girl wouldn't be dead."

Marlin came around his desk again. He took my hands in his, kissed me on the forehead, and said, "I'm sorry this happened to you. I believe you. And I am sorry about what happened to you after."

Suddenly, I knew what I had needed all along. Understanding and compassion. 

JESUS LOVES ME, THIS I KNOW...

Isaiah 51:3 NIV "The LORD will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the LORD. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing."

Isaiah 54:10 NIV "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you."

Isaiah 13:18 NIV "Their bows will strike down the young men; they will have no mercy on infants nor will they look with compassion on children."

Psalm 103:13 NIV "As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him.."