ON THE WAY TO A MIRACLE I HAD A FLAT TIRE

HE WAS THERE ALL THE TIME

My Dear Friend!

Normally, this would be a letter at the beginning of my story, but it has come to a place where I feel the need to write this personal note to each of you. In the chapters I have been sending you, there is quite a lot of tragedy and very little humor. That is why I am writing this letter, at this time.

God has richly blessed me with a sense of humor. I seem to have an unending funny bone, often not seen by others. But that's okay with me. I love having my humor; I love the laughter He has blessed me with which begins at my toes and permeates my whole heart and soul. I would never want to give it up. It has let me see the ridiculousness of many a sad situation. It has let me laugh in the face of adversity. So I thank You, Lord.

You will notice that with every chapter I have presented scripture. There is a good reason for this - it is because God was always with me. When I was very young I loved and worshipped God, singing songs of praises to Him. Speaking to Him in the heavenly language He had given me. No matter the circumstance, I could always look for and find Him. As I grew and went through more harrowing situations, I began to wonder if God remembered me. I wondered if I had done something terribly wrong. It grew more and more difficult for me to find Him.

The day came when my adoptive parents took me to a church which preached hellfire and brimstone. The pastor roared from the pulpit, swinging the Bible through the air in great arcing sweeps and slamming it on the pulpit. He was terrifying, as he ranted about a God I wasn't familiar with. Banging his fist on the Bible, he then pointed his finger right at me. "I tell you this, you are nothing but evil, and you are headed straight to hell!" He bellowed, looking me right in the eye.

I'm sure you know it was meant for the whole church body, but at five years old all I saw was that it was directed at ME! It answered so many questions for me which had loomed like a dark cloud over me for so long. I was doomed! I had been cursed to hell. I could almost hear the doors clang shut, locking me in the depths of darkness. I could see no way of escape; I just wasn't good enough for God. I hadn't made it. I was a mistake! God didn't want me.

30 Years later, I reconnected with God as I was trying to commit suicide. I asked Him to do me just one favor: I was too weak to take my own life, and I had to give my children a chance at life without me around. I felt I was incapable of doing anything right; I was a failure. And mostly, I was a failure as a parent. So there I was, lying on my stomach on my living room floor, filled with despair and hopelessness. It was the darkest point in my life. I had nothing more to lose, so I begged Him, "Please, God, if You really are listening to me, please do this one thing for me. Take my life, because I can't."

A warm breeze began covering me from my feet to my head. Softly, gently He answered me. "I will," He said. I was reborn-born again in that moment. And I learned that night, as the Holy Spirit ministered to me, that He had been there all the time, loving me. He had never left me.

My chains are gone, I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, amazing grace

In tribute to this teaching, I sang the following song of praise, and claimed it for my own testimony. Is is a song of thanksgiving and joy, to celebrate His faithfulness. When you read the vignettes of my story, I hope you will remember these words, and be lifted into His embrace as I was. Rejoice with me! He was there all the time!

HE WAS THERE ALL THE TIME

[author unknown]

(minor word changes by Sunny Rowe in the singing)

Time after time I went searching for peace in some void.

I was trying to blame all my pain on this world I was in.

Broken relationships used me 'til I was done in.

And all the while someone was loving me right through my sin.

He was there all the time.

Waiting patiently in line.

He was there all the time.

Never again will I look for a fake rainbow's end.

Now that I have the answer my life is just starting to rhyme.

Sharing each new day with Him is a cup of fresh wine.

And, Oh! What I missed..

He's been waiting right here all the time.

He'll be here all the time.

Waiting patiently in line.

He'll be here all the time.

Thank you for taking this journey with me. You will see as we continue how much my life was in jeopardy, but He was there, ALL the time. I was the one, through circumstances uncontrollable that day in church, of shutting the door and submitting to darkness, and destruction.

Hugs & Blessings to each of you.

Linda (Sunny) Rowe