EVEN WONDER WOMAN NEEDS TO REGROUP!

After writing the last chapter about my son, Jason I found I needed several days to regroup. It was so painful writing that chapter. Such a short amount of space and words to cover something that affected so many people, for such a long period of time.

The emotional upheaval still amazes me, even though 30 plus years have passed. I don't know why it should amaze me, as I have battled for nearly 69 years those events of my childhood which perpetrated disaster for me. I suppose the amazement comes because it is more than I can bear to think of the things my son went through.

And even more than that, because some of this was directed at my daughter, Wynter that same time. She has talked with me about it over the years, and has expressed that it was not nearly so bad as what happened with Jason, but she was there. She was terrified. And she didn't understand anything, because she was so young. 

Jason has told me his only thought was to "get through it and protect Wynter", because she had been threatened, and that the pain blocked out everything else.

The boy who committed this outrage discussed this with me in recently. He remembers none of it. It brings him to tears, and sickens him. All he remembers is being in a terrible rage, an uncontrollable rage. We have talked about what caused that rage.. what triggered these terrible events. He received counseling for a short period of time, but could recall nothing. He was eventually moved, at his request to live with his mother, and finished school with her. She helped him recover from the pain and anger which resulted from living with his father and stepmother. Even so, there is a lengthy period of time in his juvenile years which are total blanks to him.

My pain over this event was multiplied a hundred fold when I struck my son. It still pierces my heart to think of it. Yes, I was a parent who believed in spanking (how could you grow up in the 40's and 50's without believing in spanking?). There is a fine line, and a tricky balance when it comes to discipline; something we all have to learn in parenting. This is not the same as striking out the way I did with Jason. And I understand how it came about, but it was incomprehensible to me what I had done. It was immediate! I was shocked! I was horrified! But I couldn't take it back.

 

In the end, each of us who have been involved with this can only go to the Lord for comfort and healing. Each of us loves the Lord, and serves the Lord. It is in finding the way to forgiveness that we can at last understand how to be forgiven, and forgiving. 

That is all I can say about this, at least at this time.

In Christ alone I put my trust, 

and I find comfort in the shelter of the cross.

In every victory, let it be said of me: 

my source of hope, my source of help

is Christ alone.